


Ron's Marriage Fiasco

by Assassin_J



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Challenge Response, Comedy, F/M, Originally Posted on FanFiction.Net, Ridiculous, Wedding, Written in 2002, this is so stupid
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-10-17
Updated: 2014-10-17
Packaged: 2018-02-21 13:04:50
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 416
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2469236
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Assassin_J/pseuds/Assassin_J
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>This is the sort of shit I wrote twelve years ago. It was in response to some challenge somewhere by someone called "The Pink Lady", the parameters of which were as follows:</p>
<p>
  <em>-It has to be at least three pages long</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>-It has to be funny</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>-Someone must say, "Vanilla makes me nauseous"</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>-It must include Sirius</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>-Pink bunnies must be present</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>-Ron must be in love with somebody other then Hermione, Lavander Brown, and Parvati Patil, Cho Chang, and Fleur Delecour.</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>-Someone must say, "The envelopes are attacking!"</em>
</p>
            </blockquote>





	Ron's Marriage Fiasco

"I have an announcement!" Ron said to his family as they finished their dinner.

"What is it?" Mrs. Weasley asked.

"I'm getting married!"

"To who?" inquired Ginny.

"My pen pal Sarah Morton, from Sugar Land, Texas, USA."

"Speaking of sugar, what's for dessert?" asked Fred. Everybody ignored him.

"I have to go and arrange the wedding plans tomorrow. I'm going to apparate to the Motel 6 where she's staying."

"Wait, isn't she a Muggle?" asked Charlie.

"Yeah, but I don't care."

NEXT DAY

POOF

"AAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHH!"

"What's wrong, Sarah?" asked Ron.

"You just appeared there!"

"Apparated, not appeared. I'm a wizard."

"Be serious."

POOF

"Did somebody say Sirius?" asked Sirius Black, who had just apparated.

"No, she said SERIOUS!"

"That's my name, don't wear it out."

No, SERIOUS!"

"Yes, Sirius."

"NO!"

"Whatever. I heard you two are getting married. Does she know you are a wizard?"

"Yeah, but she doesn't believe me. She told me to be serious."

"I'll fix that!" shouted Sirius. "BELIVIOSA WIZARDO!"

"Hey," said Sarah. "What kind of cake should we have at the wedding?"

POOF

Sirius disapparated.

"How about chocolate with vanilla icing?" said Ron.

"Vanilla makes me nauseous."

"Hmm, how about chocolate with chocolate icing?"

"Okay."

They started sending invitations. All of a sudden, Ron got a paper cut. Then Sarah got a paper cut, and they were yelling, "The envelopes are attacking" when suddenly one of the envelopes got really big and looked like Voldemort!

The envelope that looked like Voldie tried to say, "Avada Kedavra!", but he didn't have a proper mouth because he was made of paper, and instead he said, "Desala Penava!"

And also he didn't have a wand, so he said, "Darn." which sounded like "Farm."

So Ron grabbed his wand and cut the Voldenvelope in half.

WEDDING DAY

"Do you, Sarah Morton, take this, Ronald Weasley, to be your lawfully wedded wife?"

"I do."

"Same question, names reversed?"

"I do."

"By the power vested in me by the Department of Magical Romance, I now pronounce you husband and wife. You may now kiss...each other."

"NOT SO FAST!"

The Voldenvelope had been taped together by Wormtail and Wormtail had said Not so fast. Voldie tried to say Avada Kedavra (he had a wand) but he said,

"DESALA PENAVA!"

Pink bunnies flew out of the wand, and everyone laughed except Sarah. "Oh no, I'm allergic to bunnies!"

She sneezed so hard that the bunnies and Voldie and Wormtail flew out into space.

They lived happily ever after.


End file.
